Haunt Me

For a long time now, my mind has been vacant.

My thoughts, unoccupied.

My heart, free to play with fire and ice.

So haunt me please, if you will.

Haunt me, if you dare.

Don't Just Be Kind

Don't just be kind. Be kind, randomly.
Be kind, unexpectedly.
Rekindle someone's faith in humans.
Maybe, if everyone learnt to hope again,
You wouldn't have to destroy me.
And I wouldn't want to hurt you...so, so bad.

The Art Of Letting Go

Letting go,

Is about holding your palms outstretched,

And letting the sand slide off your hands,

So you wouldn't have to watch it slip through the fingers of your closed fist.

Letting go, is not easy.
I have tried to learn how, for a long time.

I have struggled with it, since I was a child.

The very first time, I had held on with all my strength.

Thrown my arms around wildly, just to hold on to the hem of my world.

Till I was thrashed from wall to wall.

Till my nails bled, and my knuckles, bruised.
With all of me, Till there was no sense of self.

Till my world slipped right out of my hands.

And it's shadow escaped me faster than I could chase after it.

I guess you must first learn to hold on before you can learn to let go.

The second time around, I knew not to hold on when I was to lose.

For nothing was worth such devastation.

So I let my lungs fill up with smoke from the remains of my heart.

And watched the world collapse quietly as I let go,

Till my throat was charred and I would cough up clouds of smoke,

And images in the fog. 

They would haunt me on the streets,

Lurk in coffee shops.

And, follow me home.

I guess you must first learn to appreciate what you let go, even if you must lose.

So the next time I let go,

I let them know, I'd bleed,

I went around with open wounds.

Left them to the sun and the wind to heal.

I was offered help, which I refused.

I could no longer afford any further damage.

But in the end, I guess, I succumbed.

And then, I healed.

I guess you must first learn to want to heal, to lose your fear of letting go.
I don't know if you could master the art of letting go.

Perhaps if you could, you would no longer need it.
But from then on, I knew....
I knew to let go with my palms outstretched.
With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face,
As my world fell apart.
And I, would pretend no less.
And I, knew that I would heal.
I knew what I would lose, and what I never, ever could.
That I was made whole, of all the things I ever let go.
That it was okay to have so many stories etched on your skin.
That I was only closer to what I had set out to be.
I guess the art of letting go is all about breathing.
Breathing, in and out. Exhaling the air your lungs can no longer use.
Holding out your palms, and letting the sand slide off.
Gracefully, gratefully and with hope that your world will find you.

Made Of Gasoline

Sometimes I wish you could break me.
That you could take me apart and smash me into pieces.
I long to be devastated, like I once was.
Sometimes I wish you could hurt me.
That you could make me bleed, like I once did,
But you can't. You're a sculptor.
You have not the skill, of a butcher.
Sometimes all I hope for, is a little bit of sorrow.
A little bit of pain, to get by the day.
And then I realize, a little bit is not enough.
Not nearly good enough.
No, you do not understand....
It is not that my breath is no longer heavy.
But that I can still live, and I no longer have to breathe.
I am not fond of sorrow. I do not crave it.
But I will take it over a vacant smile.
My trouble is, I have known happiness.
I have known living.
And now, nothing less will do.
And yet, this is not it.
Don't get me wrong. It is not your fault.
You are wonderful the way you are.
And I, am just not worth it.
It is nothing you did or could.
It is what you couldn't.
You see, I was never a girl who could make do with a spark or a fire.
I was made of gasoline.
And nothing but a conflagration would appease me.

The Thing About Compassion

There are people in this world who will tell you everyday...
That your kindness is your greatest weakness,
Your faith in people...foolishness,
That the world is a wicked place and it doesn't help to give a damn.
And then, there are people, who will nearly prove them people, right.
They will cheat you, everyday, if you will let them,
They will chip away at your heart from every angle,
They will hurt you in ways you can barely conceive.
But, do not let them steal your light with their darkness.
Do not give in to the voice rooting for you to give up.
Know that,
Compassion, is a virtue of the survivor.

Happy New Year

Wish you love and luck, as always.
And this year, wish you the start of something new.

The Truth About Nothing

All I need is you. If, you exist.

Falling In Hate

Until every atom of your body is consumed in misgivings.
Until your every bone is sore.
Until your every living moment is an act of conspiracy.
Hold on....
Love...is the warmth of sand beneath your feet. A sun kissed bed on a winter morning.
Hate is the cold hard floor.
You really do fall in hate.

When The Time Comes

Hold on a little longer. Or, don't.
But make sure you leap, when you let go.

Of a Nyctophiliac

If you can't love me, hate me. But, passionately.
I will know you wished me well.

Endless Night

" I can't sleep."
" Try."
" I have tried. I just can't... sleep."
" Well of course you can't sleep. You won't shut up."
" I know. I need my brain to stop. It wont stop thinking. Everything in my head hurts. My nerves ache. My veins are swollen. I think, they'll burst. I need to stop."
" Well then, stop."
" I don't know how to stop. I keep trying to stop. But, I just can't....Help me stop."
" Stop thinking about how to stop."
" How? I just.... can't. Tell me though, Is it possible?"
" Is what possible?"
" Is it possible to not sleep for years? For so long, that you forget how to sleep?
  Is it possible to be this anxious? That you feel like your body can no longer contain you.
  That you're spilling out of your nerves and veins.
  That the wind passing through your lungs is cold and frigid, and tickles your windpipe and not in a good way.
  That you're sure someday you will explode in a room full of people, and everyone around you will be left  with blisters.
  That something's gone terribly wrong, and the story starts out just the same, but this time... Matilda turns  evil.
  Or worse still, this time Matilda knows no magic.
  Is it possible to relive something over and over and over again, for the rest of your life? To grieve and then  to tire of grieving. And then, to hold on to grieving, worrying that is the only thing you can perfect?
  Is it possible to be this disgusted at yourself? That you want to kill yourself, everyday, but not be able to  shoot yourself, and then hate yourself more the next day, for not having killed yourself?
  Is it possible to want to spew out blood? To drain yourself completely of all that's left? So that maybe, just  maybe somebody would help you find your way home.
  Is it possible to think like this every second, every minute, every hour of the day and then still live to be a hundred? To live for decades with corrosive burns eating into every inch of your soul?
  Is it possible?"
"  I don't know...."
" You know why I can't sleep?"
" Why?"
" I think it's possible."

  

I Like You

Your eyes don't shine, just reflect.

Your voice doesn't quiver nor reverberate.

Your smile doesn't scare the life out of me.

And I like your expressions, they, make me curious....

You know what? I like you. I like you a lot.

You're easy on my nerves. And no-one's ever been easy on my heart.

Nothing Left To Say

I can no longer talk about love.
And I've never had anything else to talk about.
No childhood horrors. No wars, survived.
No death wishes. No discoveries.
You took all I ever knew how to talk about.
Now I don't have anything.
And no matter how much I plead....
Silence never talks back.

One Missed Call

These days I wake up in the middle of the night to check if my phone battery is charged. In all these years, I haven't been able to forgive myself for not calling you back.

Hello, I Don't Know How To Talk

I don't know how to talk.
I don't know how many words to fit into a sentence.
How long to pause in between words.
How long to wait for a response.
I don't know when I shouldn't say anything..
Or when I haven't said enough.
Or how long is okay to talk at a stretch.
I don't know...
I don't know what's the appropriate decibel level.
Or how my tone should be...
When I talk to children, old people, strangers, pets?
I don't know how to talk.
But believe me, I've tried?
I've tried to measure the weight of every word I've ever spoken.
Tried to balance the harsher consonants with softer ones...
And I've been wrong. So wrong, so often.
And I know that there are too many people living in wrong cities,
Over things they did say,
Or things they never did...
Too much blood has been spilt on callous pronunciations.
And I know, that this, isn't a war.
And this shouldn't be a matter of life and death...
And all I have to do is say "Hi".
Cause you're right across the room from me.
And you're smiling. And you're lovely.
But should I say "Hello" though?
Cause then we could use the phrase "You had me at Hello" someday,
As if I'd ever remember this, if the time actually comes.
Am I over thinking this? I haven't even spoken to you yet.
But I don't know how to talk...
So forgive me if I don't know what to say.
But I hope whatever you hear sounds... just okay.
And for now, I'll stick with "Hello".

Twilight Blues

There are a thousand things to get to,
A thousand and some more...
And time, there is only so much time.
But today, the sky is a sorrow blue,
And the roads glisten from a heavy heart.
Today, I shall spend.....
Reading poetry in the rain.

Of Childhood Acquaintances

Freedom, she was lively and outgoing. Used to live right across the street from me.
She would always keep her doors open &  say, "Come play with me."
Hope, loved to dance....She was best friends with Mischief.
And together they would go around the neighborhood, pulling pranks on everybody.
Courage, loved the rush. He used to race on the streets....like there were no cars or buses or anything.
But he, he had a crush on Freedom. I knew, I could tell..
'Cause he would stumble and fall occasionally and then show his bruises off to her.
Desire, she always knew what she wanted, but she was secretive.
She loved to play tug of war, and you could never tell who's side she was in.
Anger was a difficult child. Never quite got along with anybody.
He would often lose a game and then throw a fit.
Lonely was a quiet one, usually liked to be all by herself.
And Anger would then go sit next to her, for everyone else had a friend.
But Patience was a darling, she never gave up easily.
She would sit with them and listen quietly.
And Anger would pour out his wrath and Lonely, her misgivings.
And together they would calm down eventually.
Love, Love was always reckless. She was beautiful and funny.
But she always did as she chose, and paid no heed to Reason.
Reason was smart. He always knew what to do.
And he knew to chase after her, to make himself heard.
Fear, Fear was always tall for his age, and grew everyday.
Little Faith was fond of hide and seek and always chose to hide behind him.
Knowledge, used to read all day, and wasn't distracted easily.
And Wisdom used to catch the news, like he knew better.
Vision was a daydreamer. He used to sit and dream.
He was focused though, even though it didn't seem.
Grace was kind, she always smiled at everyone.
She knew her manners well, and was very polite.
Happy was pleasant, he used to make everyone laugh.
But he refused to go anywhere without his twin, Grief.
Grief had a sorry face, his teeth looked like they would sting.
And he was fond of bear hugs, and used to scare all the kids.
But my favorite of all was Make-Belief and she never left my side...
She used to stay with me through days,
And come home for sleepovers at night.
She always knew what I wanted and just what to say.
She was my best friend. She was. Make-Belief.

The Storm Is Beautiful

Just so you know.... peace, is overrated.
Calm, is overrated.Clarity, is overrated.
They do not tell you this when you're in the middle of a storm...
But chaos, has its answers. Chaos, knows the whole picture.
Confusion is worth living. And the storm...
The storm is beautiful.

Of Blazing Trails

Take off with me. And we, will be...
All we ever need to be. All we ever could be.

Don't Tell Me Life Isn't Fair

Don't tell me life isn't fair... I know it.
I know things don't always go as planned.
That hard work doesn't always pay.
That some people never get it right, ever.
I know that there are five year olds with cancer.
That there are people who die on their birthdays.
That the universe is random, completely.
That nature is cruel and mean.
That tigers hunt baby deers, and let their kids play catch and kill with them.
That, that is perfectly natural and it is okay.
That there are people who are evil, and it's not because they had an unfortunate childhood.
That sometimes evil has a happy face and the last laugh.
And no matter how much you justify your hurt, there are days when you will find no comfort there.
Don't tell me life isn't fair... I know it.
I know that love doesn't always beget love, or a heart, a heart.
Or kindness, one's kindness; or goodwill, one's goodwill.
I don't know if everything happens for a reason. I really don't.
I don't know if there is an all loving god up there or just a lunatic with a muddled sense of humor.
Or a moody little child playing with a bunch of toys.
I don't know...
But I know that life isn't fair.... It isn't.
Don't tell me life isn't fair... I know it.
But I also know that there is good in the world, just as there is evil.
That there are kind strangers, who're kind just for the sake of it.
That there is hope and chance, even if it's just randomly assigned probabilities.
That there is love as much as there is hatred. And neither needs any rhyme or reason.
I know that dreams come true, even if they mostly don't.
That if you follow your heart, you may lose a lot and then no more.
That you can choose to live in fear or in wonder.
And that there is scope for happiness, there always is, until your last breath.
So, don't tell me life isn't fair... I know it.
I refuse to let it pass me by, while I still own it.
I will make the mess, the beautiful hot mess, I see fit.
'Cause I am here to live.

State Of A Nation

You. Your parents. Your extended family. Your best friend. His little brother. Other friends. Acquaintances. Your boss. Colleagues. And You.
You. What do you do? Are you holding up just fine?
Can you look one in the eye?
You. Multiply by a few million.
Are you holding up, just fine?

The Day That I Died

It was a beautiful day, the day that I died.

The weather was perfect. The birds sang.

My neighbor sent me my favorite pie.

I could hear children play outside in the park,
As I lay on my bed, watching the sunshine.

A lovely breeze blew in through the window.
Soft music played. My favorite kind.
And you walked in with your gorgeous smile.
And I said "Hello you, such a pleasant surprise.
You look so beautiful too, like you always have."
"Look at you", you laughed and smiled,
"You've never looked better", you replied.
You sat on my bed, next to me,
And we talked and laughed for a while.
"I love you" I said, one last time.
You said, "Thank you" as I closed my eyes.

Waiting On The Next Tick

Never do anything just to kill time. It is a bad idea. Always.

You'll Do...For Now

Yes, you should. And yes, it's about time.
Try harder. But I think for now, you can make do with yourself.

A Thousand Beautiful Words

I realize you have given up on words.
People talk. You listen.
People write. You read.
And nowadays, even the wretched do it beautifully.
I realize you have given up on words.
Cause they've ceased to keep their sanctity.
And everyone is wise, and you...a wise cynic.
I realize you have given up on words.
How could you not, after all you've seen?
The abuse. The mindless abuse.
In every corner, by every being.
I realize you've given up on words.
Decided, to never ever take it in,
To never be that fool again,
Cause you've been there and done that,
And that's cost more than you could think.
That's cost more than they could think.
I realize you've given up on words.
And yet, you battle on still...
Quite hopelessly, quite helplessly.
It's an ugly war you're in.
I realize you've given up on words.
You hate your own voice, occasionally.
And love your silence for all it speaks.
Until nothing ever speaks...
No words, not even silence,
Nothing speaks....
I realize you've given up on words.
Have you now, finally?
If tomorrow you read a thousand beautiful words,
What would you make of it?

April Goodbyes

The orange sun hangs low on these skies
And I am afraid of April goodbyes...
You're as beautiful as you ever were
Perhaps even, a tad more than before...
But I guess you're right, you must go
Hurry on then, yes you must go
Before it's winter and it snows...

Traveller

I love how the wind blows through my hair on these country roads,
The sound of  tires on the gravel, the cloud of dust trailing after us,
As a lone pair of headlights make their way home...
I love how the sun sets in your country and how the moon shows up early in the twilight,
And how your eyes light up at the sight of your cottage....
Would you take me in, just for the night? Find me a place under your twilight sky?
I think I'm home for tonight...

Why We Need Music

The best of writers never knew how to express everything in words.
The best of painters fell short of colors, to paint all they could see.
The best of actors never had enough tears, or beguiling smiles...
For your every shiver, laugh or weep.
That is when they created music.
To fill the space in between.
Every vacuum, every void,
With palpable beauty.

Love After Love

This is how I love you now,
Like I wanted to.
There is nothing left to fear,
And no more left to prove.
We've hurt our share, all we could.
And lost, all we had to lose.
And I...am no longer afraid, of losing you.
And you, you're no longer afraid of "I love you."
There's no suspicion anymore,
Been too long for expectations.
But, there's comfort in familiarity,
There's safety...
And it's in your eyes.
This is how I love you now,
Like I wanted to.
And this is the kind of love...
"The love after love"

Of Knowing You

I know you in ways I couldn't admit.
I know you so well, I wish I didn't.
I know what's on your mind,
And what you're about to say.
I know exactly...how was your day.
I know your future, like I know your past,
And I know that I can't tell you that,
Cause if I do, you'd never believe,
And if I do, you'd only leave.
Either way, I'll only bleed.
I'm no psychic, no magician
I only know you well.
And I wish I didn't know you so well.

Between Alone and Lonely

And she said....

"The brave are always alone,

And the cowards, always lonely.

In the end, it's never much of a choice is it?"

Cause I Don't Like Apple Pie

Remember that day in last September?
There was a sudden change in the weather?
A slight chill in the air, but pleasant all the same.
We were both tired and  hungry.
And all we really wanted was to find a place to sit?
So we walked down to Sid's corner.
We'd ordered tofu, black beans in sauce and some rice.
And then you'd asked me if I'd like apple pie for dessert?
And I had said I don't mind.
Actually, I did mind. I don't know why, but I don't like it at all.
And I don't know why I'm telling you this right now.
But you need to know this.
You said you love me, yesterday.
And I....I'm not sure, it's me.
You see, I don't like apple pie.
And I've had people fall for someone else before.

As The Day Fades

I like watching the sun bounce off broken glass. Don't you?
In fact, I've always loved light on broken glass. So pretty.
Hey, stop bobbing in and out of sight, love.
Your hair smell lovely, by the way.
You know, I love the song 'Chasing cars'. Snow Patrol's so good.
Huh? What are you saying? Slow down...
Does it hurt???
Well... I can taste my blood through my teeth.
And my knee's sticking out at a weird angle but, I can't really feel my leg.
You think the shoulder's broken too?
And there's a dull ache in my arms, but, nothing hurts as much as you think it would.
I guess it's my nerves...doing what they're supposed to do.
Switching off. So it doesn't hurt.
But my chipped tooth hurts, bad.
Tooth aches, seriously - worst things.
Shoot!... My project proposal's due tomorrow.
Yeaah....I guess...He'll understand.
Funny, I'm wasting time thinking about this right now.I must be Scrooge.
I mean... isn't this time for some kind of a divine intervention?
I mean... I'm probably not going to make it. This is the end.
This is my end.
I like laying here, I don't want to move.
And these leaves above are beautiful. The sky seems clear today.
I should probably tell you how much I love you right now though, right? Right...
Well, I do love you, there's never been doubting that, and mom and dad and baby bro...
You can tell them for me...It's just somehow I can't seem to mouth the words, my throat's dry.
But I'll try, "I love..."
There, said those two words... you can take it from here.
But really,
You know I've always loved the song 'Chasing cars'.
And your hair smell good, really good.

All I Wish For You This Year

A whole new year has been laid out in front of you, so you can begin anew.
Make new mistakes, and paint some fresh strokes into your life.
I hope this year finds you in perfect health physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I hope you find yourself in peace, loved and in love.
I hope you have time to make new friends, and rediscover old ones.
I hope you find that 'family' only makes living easier.
I hope this year finds an awakened you.
That somehow even the nation and the world take a turn for the better.
That we all realize 'hate' is silly, finally.
That newspapers start to make your day. And so does your job.
I hope you find the world is a beautiful place.
And that there is hope and safety.
That faith is not just foolishness. And that passion pays.
Most of all, I wish you love, all over again, as I always have.
And I hope you know, I love you, always.
In spite of your secrets,
In spite of knowing you so little, as you would have me believe,
Even though sometimes, we are nothing like each other...
I love you.
Have an amazing year!

Merry Christmas!

I hope you're all doing well. Much Love and Merry Christmas!

Wish You Music

I hope once in a while, you discover new music.
And I hope sometimes, you have the occasion to sit and bleed, blissfully.
And on certain days, I hope, the best thing that happens to you, is your playlist.
I hope you find magic and the answers you've been looking for.

Hang In There, My Madness

Dear Madness of mine, I love you. I love you more than you can imagine, more than I usually admit. You have always wished me well and I am grateful.You have been my greatest possession. It's true. But for now, I must leave. You see the world never understood your sister, Freedom and never took seriously dear Love. And right now, Routine calls, and you know how he is.... humorless. Ever since Time once outran him, he's never forgiven himself. I must leave now, only to return. Wait for me, won't you? Please don't leave me. You are my own and I love you so. Please stay with me, always.

Kinds Of Love

Cause there is I love you, i luv u, love ya and love you. And, they are not all the same.
And then, there is me and you. 

A Disaster Of Your Making

If you knew how much I love you, you would never forgive yourself.

You

You, are your hopes and dreams.
Your love and lust.
Your fears and courage.
And all your words.
You...are the universe.
Floating on a speck of dust.

How I See It

Misconception : God exists and loves you.
In truth : Love exists and gods you.

All I Want... Is Everything

They say, "You can't have everything."
But I am a fool.....
I will always dream of having everything.
And my everything is you.

In The Movies

The sun would have shone on us warmly, as you told me you love me

There would have been no scorching heat...

And we would have kissed right under that tree, cause there would have been no bumble bee

I was afraid of.... 

If You Pass Me By

And for one crazy second I thought I should let you know...
Nobody can love you the way I do.
But then you seemed content, and troubled with far more pleasant things...
And I hoped you were so.
And in silent prayers, I thanked a god I've never known
But if you ever pass me by on a street
Could you tell me you were happy? 

If You're Lost, But There

I know this was not where you thought you'd be.
And nothing's gone the way you wanted.
And there's no sense to life, when all you've ever perceived as sense is lost.
And you don't know what to dream of, when you're in a dream too late
But if you've managed to keep breathing so far....
Would you please stay on....
And would you dream a new dream for me.
And should you need someone to tell you this...
You're doing just fine.

Shh...It's A Secret

You were missed today. But don't tell anyone I told you that. They didn't want you to know that.

In Your Sky

At first you were the summer breeze just palpable on my skin.
And I was in love with you, your smell, your touch, your soft tug at me.
But I should have known you would take me down, for you were the wind.
And I should have known you'd storm away with pieces of me.
And I should have known I'd never find myself, once you'd dealt with me.
But should you care, I was yours, even in your fury. 

Train Back Home

"Hey, looking for a train?"
"Yes, I've bought a ticket to a train back home.Could you please tell me where these trains go?"
"Well, this one goes west, that one south east, that one north, and I'm not really sure about that one."
"Thanks, that must be the one."
"But hey kid, I don't know where that train goes!"
"That's alright cause I don't know where is home."

Terminal Love

I have too much love running through my veins.
I'll drain out my life loving you.

Mother

And amid all the harshness, I know the world is beautiful.
That there is tenderness and there is love.
That they exist and are real.
Cause you are...cause you are...

The Part Of You, You Don't Own

You don't know. But, I've been stealing.
I've saved a smile of yours.
A frown from behind that desk.
Your face, your eyes, that scar.
The tilt of your head, from yesterday, at 15 degrees.
That mole on your neck.
The smell of your hair, and the wind that blew through it.
The vibrations of your voice.
A tear, and the light that shone off it.
Your walk, that walk. Your words, every word.
Your laugh, your gasp.
The way you sound when you're out of breath.
A little song you'd hummed just the other day.
That clumsy skip you made on your way.
A weird noise. A feisty reply.
A really funny, awkward goodbye.
A silly "huh?", a helpless "why?"
A stubborn "No", a silent cry
A look of anger on your face.
A look of sorrow, Of peace....
A look of turbulence, A look of hope.
And a naked look of love.
I've taken a million snapshots of you in my head.
I've recorded your every word, heartbeat and footstep.
I have exhausted my memory space with you.
And I've stolen every second I could
And saved you, in a place safe even from time.
And in this moment, this ache. It's mine.
Mine to cherish. Mine to keep.
Mine to live with.
There's a part of you, you do not own.
And This part of you...is mine.

On Being Okay

"How are you?"
"I'm ok, I'm....okay."
You know what's going on inside the man who says 'I'm ok' twice.