Thursday 15 January 2015

The Last Embers Alight


On most days, I don't feel anything, nothing.
The rain is just water on my skin,
Music is science with strings and decibel levels,
And you, you are no more than a memory,
Of a skeleton, with flesh and blood and nerves...
Until, on some days,
The rain comes crashing down on my skin with the force of bullets,
Music turns to exorcism,
And you, you are a miracle...that did not last.
On most days, I can deal with this.
On most days, I can shroud your memory in a sigh,
Or a word or a song,
I have no need to disrupt routine life.
But, would you believe me if I told you, that it kills me sometimes,
That I can go on with routine life...
Sometimes, I fear losing you all over again,
Like the first day when you will no longer cross my mind.
Sometimes, you remain, morphed in my choice of coffee,
Advice to friends on places to visit,
And the way I still talk in a tizzy or suddenly quieten down,
On the bus routes we would take home.
Sometimes you serve as an example,
A story, nobody needs to know the origin of,
Cause nobody asks after a theoretical construct.
Sometimes, it's not you that I miss,
But the couch in the living room, the western sun on the balcony,
The baking pan we bought one Saturday afternoon,
It was... so convenient,
The striped pair of socks I forgot in a hurry,
And the music collection I left on your hard disk.
Sometimes, it's not the loss of you that I suffer...
Your mother no longer calls me on my Birthday,
Your friend no longer thinks I am funny,
Your brother doesn't tell me which movies to watch anymore.
I did not just lose you, I lost more.
You were not all there was to you.
Sometimes, I worry there were more graceful ways to say goodbye,
Than, "I'm still here for you,
I just, shouldn't be with you."
Sometimes, I linger around places and people you still see,
Just to assure myself you still breathe the same air as me.
Sometimes, I still hurt... a lot, and wonder if you hurt too,
But, it's beginning to pass.
Nowadays, mostly, I just hope you know,
That it doesn't matter how or why...we couldn't be,
We couldn't have been.
But, every inch of you is still beautiful and worth loving.

Friday 2 January 2015

Happy New Year

I hope this year, you suffer fewer blocked noses,
Discover new music and taste an incredible new dish.
I hope this year, you find that the ones you call family are worth keeping,
And all your friends, show up at just the right time.
I hope this year, you decide to look after yourself,
And find, that you are worth being looked after.
I hope this year, you find it easier to forgive,
Should you have to,
I hope this year, you won't have to.
I hope this year, brings to you odd new aspirations,
I hope this year, lets you fulfill them.
I hope this year, you rediscover why dreams are worth having.
I hope this year, you find goodwill in unexpected corners.
I hope this year, you love your job, your house and your neighbors.
I hope this year, it's less effort to talk, to explain, to love
I hope this year, you find yourself at peace, with yourself and the world.
I hope this year, you are surrounded by love.
I hope this year, brings to you whatever you are looking for.
But above all, I hope like I always have,
I hope this year, you find greater capacity to love.
Wish you a happy new year.