Thursday 4 December 2014

The Last Fight


Would you believe me if I told you I'd tried?
That I didn't get here in a day,
Or surrender in defeat,
That I really, really, really, did try.
That I'd started from scratch each time,
To build a masterpiece...
Only to watch it shatter, every time.
I did try.
Would you believe me?
I tried...
So this, this is my last fight,
This is the last time I try,
And, I hope you can forgive me,
When I say...
I'm learning how to give up.
I still haven't learnt, but I'm learning now...
I'm learning how not to trust,
I'm learning how not to love,
I'm learning how not to hope,
I'm learning how not to try...
But I promise you this,
With the very last ounce of strength in me,
I'm trying not to learn.

Friday 28 November 2014

The Hate Affair


Somewhere in my windpipe are words that threaten to come out in a scream,
I mutter them in my head, constantly.
"I hate me. I hate me. I hate me."
 I hate the way I talk, I act,
 I think and breathe. I hate me.
 Who do I think I am? I hate me.
 How am I this worthless? I hate me.
 How dare I think I know better? I hate me.
 How dare I believe, I deserve better? I hate me.
 How am I this conceited? I hate me.
 How can I feel sorry for myself? I hate me.
 How come I always forgive me? I hate me.
 How can I live with myself? I hate me.
 How do I get rid of me? I hate me.
 How come I don't get rid of me? I hate me.
 Does no one else see? I hate me.
 I hate me. I hate every living cell in me.
 I pretend I am hard on me. But I am just a hypocrite,
 And I hate me.
 Will someone please shoot me? I hate me.
 Will no one shoot me? I hate me.
 Is this what I deserve then? Live, to hate me?
 Is there no way out of this affair? I hate me.
 You know...perhaps, if you were to slit my throat,
 I could try one last time, to love me again. 

Tuesday 18 November 2014

The Traveller's Daughter


Do not ask her where she comes from,
She will not know what to say...
She usually claims she is of the world,
Until someone hands her a form asking for her address,
And she recalls, she is not allowed to be at home everywhere.
She does not have too many friends,
But, all her acquaintances think she's strange and sweet,
She's learnt of time differently,
Every second for her is urgent.
She's lived on the edge of enough time zones,
To know that it is possible to go back in time.
But if you did, you'd only make the same mistakes again,
And if you did, you'd relive your way back to today.
She's learnt that it doesn't help to go back in time.
She knows that the sun, is ever present,
And it's only morning when you face it.
That her morning, is someone else's night,
So every morning she prays the whole world sleeps well.
She's had conversations short enough to know that sometimes...
A momentary smile is all you get to contribute to someone's life,
No matter how much you wish to be a part of their everyday.
And that sometimes, you can't recognize the ones you loved,
The next time you see them.
That, that's okay,
If you can only remember how you loved them,
And love them, still.
She's learnt that people change and people grow,
And yet people all, stay the same.
That you can never make up for missed birthday parties or holidays,
Or catch up with years of changing taste in food or music,
But you can start off a conversation where you left off,
If you can find how someone's yesterdays led them to today,
And not hold growing up, or growing old against them.
She knows that far too many alliances fall apart, between nations and people,
Out of suspicion, lack of tolerance and loss of respect,
Than ever did for lack of love.
That even love is not enough to make her lover last,
But if you fall in love continuously,
It will lead you to the best version of yourself.
She has known beauty and seen beauty,
And found, that among all things beautiful,
Nature is the most sexy.
She has been humbled by the mountains and the seas,
So she knows...she is only small,
But believes she's part of some magnificent scheme.
She is a secret keeper, she collects memories and dreams,
Strangers trust her, cause she will only leave.
She could help you heal if you let her,
She has perfected goodbyes,
And she knows how to listen,
Cause she is usually the only one who listens to herself.
But if you want to know where she comes from...
Ask her about her parents, her two friends,
A cold winter night and her favorite spring,
Give her a place and a time,
And she'll tell you in whose heart she lived for a while.

Tuesday 28 October 2014

The Scattered Pieces On The Floor

I see you are perfectly content in your brokenness,
I don't mean to fix you...
I didn't even mean to pry,
It just so happened I was there...as your world fell apart,
I was only a silent bystander, I could not have saved you, so I did not try.
But I'd hate to think that, that was all we'd remember, of each other...
That your world fell apart, as I stood on by...
I don't mean to ask you what happened or what went wrong,
Or what could have gone right.
I know it doesn't matter now.
It's over. And you tried.
And, I see you're not done grieving yet,
It's okay, take your time.
But you're letting slip fragments of you in this wind,
I'm afraid you'll lose them in time.
So if it's okay with you,
I'd like to keep these pieces of you,
I see, I'm not the security vault you had in mind.
I will not claim to be your savior, your hero or your lifeline,
I will not even try,
But  I'd like to keep these pieces of you, if you don't mind,
So, should you ever go looking for yourself,
With me, your pieces you'd find.

Sunday 28 September 2014

A Letter To The Beautiful Stranger That I Didn't Write


Dear Stranger,
What is your story?
It doesn't have to have a complicated plot,
I can make do with boring...
Dear Stranger,
What is your favorite song?
And your favorite movie?
Do you ever dance alone?
Or sing?
Do you think you would make a good singer?
Or a teacher?
Or an actor?
What did you want to grow up to be?
Do you believe in ghosts and fairies?
Why do you play Candy crush?
Did you ever fight over candy?
What did you love to play as a child?
Did you ever have imaginary friends?
Did you ever steal your sister's clothes or pull her hair?
What do you like to eat?
Have you ever tripped on your shoe laces?
Are you clumsy?
Do you keep your room squeaky clean?
Do you ever waste time at the last minute?
Are you afraid of a bee?
Do you believe in perfection, are you a perfectionist?
Do you think it helps to be a perfectionist?
Have you ever pulled a prank or made mischief?
Do you think love pays and is worth it?
Have you ever known heartache?
And true happiness?
Do you ever pretend you were in a movie?
Somewhat like a brave protagonist?
Do you think there is an afterlife?
Or a God?
Do you think you're smart? And beautiful?
Can you be mean, like really mean?
Do you think its okay to have dreams?
Do you have any?
Do you have many?
Do you think life just goes on and none of it makes sense?
Do you think life just goes on and all of it makes sense?
What do you think?
Do you think you'd rather not think?
Dear Stranger,
No matter your story...
No matter your scars and fears,
Your faults and regrets,
I think you have one of the warmest smiles,
You know the kind...
That make you happy and sad and hopeful at the same time.
I hope you find enough occasions to smile.
You know, I'd stop by just to watch you for a while.

The Lesser Equals

We do not merit your interest.
We do not make history.
We are who rules are made for.
We know how to keep our voice low and speak softly.
But we, we make the best parts of any story.
We make gods and devils of you and me.
We, we make a people.

Sunday 21 September 2014

The Hallways Know Your Name

Sometimes, when I hear footsteps,
I have heard them sound your beat...
Sometimes, when I whisper your name loud enough,
I swear they have echoed it back to me...

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Why I Took The Stairs Today


I was told it is fun to be a fitness freak,
Actually, I don't believe that at all,
But, I thought...
If you were one, it must really mean you like to live.
Today, I was trying to rediscover wanting...
I was hoping for a happy accident, you know,
To see a smiling face come down the stairs,
As I was climbing up.
I was hoping... I'd accidentally bump into someone,
And we'd share an awkward little chuckle,
And maybe I'd make a new friend.
In fact, I will not lie...
On the first few stairs, I had even found myself wishing,
That I would fall in love...
What with the light shining down on your face,
Through the window...
How pretty you'd look.
I wish I knew who you were.
So, I took the stairs today.
Don't usually do post lunch,
Just don't feel like it,
But did today, anyway.

Saturday 6 September 2014

If You Have Any Time At All...

If you have any time at all,
I hope you find it.
I hope you do the things you always wanted to,
And do them the way you wanted to,
And not think about the lost time.
If you have any time at all...
I hope you know it,
I hope you know that you have time,
Not much of it, Not a whole lot of it,
But right now, as you breathe, you have time.

Thursday 28 August 2014

Hi And I Miss You

All I want to say is 'Hi' and 'I miss you'.
I'm sure you're up to pretty things in life,
I just wish you were more alive in mine.
Hi and I miss you. Hope you're up to pretty things.

Friday 22 August 2014

The Perfectly Insured Loan

Lend me a smile today and I promise, someday soon, I'll echo it back to you...
Perhaps with a rib shattering laugh or two.

Friday 11 July 2014

The Hardest Thing You'll Ever Do

It is hard to find what you want, when you don't know what you're looking for.
But look, you must.

Monday 16 June 2014

The Almost Believer's Conundrum

"Do you believe in God?" you ask.
"'Only if he believes in me." he says.

Monday 19 May 2014

When I'd Rather Not Awake

On some days I don't know how to lift my head off the pillow,
Or how to to remove my blanket,
Or face the sun...
Like gravity won't let me climb out of my bed...
Like I am nothing more than the sum of my failures,
The weight of my miseries,
A tale of my misfortunes,
Of everything that should have been, could have been, but hasn't been...
And then, I think of you...
Of your face by the bed post,
Of your smile and how the ghost of it would find me in the day...
And then, I get up, get dressed and get on, just once again,
Cause I know I'll make it kicking and screaming to the end of the day,
To wake up to your face, once again...

Wednesday 14 May 2014

Exit Route

If you must...
Then,
Fall apart...
Burst into flames...
Brilliantly,
Violently,
Beautifully.
Blazing across the night sky,
A thousand eyes trailing after you,
Wishing upon a star.

Thursday 24 April 2014

The Wrong Classroom

It doesn't matter how long you survive...
How many subjects you ace,
If you're in the wrong classroom,
You will always fail.
And you can scream and shout all you want...
"I don't belong here!!!"
But you will find no applause,
Only condolences...
When all you have to do, is walk out...
Walk out. Today.

Wednesday 23 April 2014

Please Don't Fall For Me

I know you think this is presumptuous.
But then again, you know what I mean.
I know you, like you know me.
You, are my perfect adversary.
Please, don't fall for me.
Cause this time, you'll find what you're looking for.
This time, you'll get what you deserve.
This time, would be the last time...
I'll kill you, I promise.
And you'll kill me.
You know how this ends,
Don't you?
With two people in love with destruction,
Two people who would rather be broken,
Just to see if they would live.
Please, don't fall for me.
Don't do this.
You, are a masterpiece.
Every crack, a new story.
Every vein, stitched,
And re-stitched.
Please, don't fall for me.
I understand you don't mind bleeding to death,
I believe you.
But, do we have to?
I know how you got there,
And what we would be.
And you know, how you and I would be.
I just don't think this world should take another explosion in silence.
I'm not sure there are many left of you and me.
So please...
Please don't fall for me.

Monday 14 April 2014

The Other Half Of The Lesson

I suppose you've been told....
You can't make someone fall in love with you.
But, I don't know if they remembered, to tell you this.....
You can't make someone hate you, who is hell bent on love.

Tuesday 25 March 2014

A Note To Her Killer

She says she feels too much,
Much more than she should,
That her heart constantly threatens to spill out,
And there is only so much it can hold.
I guess one of the first things she ever learnt....
Was keeping a safe distance.
She can't make up her mind if she's proud of it,
But, she survives...
Else, she would fall apart at the tone of someone's hello or goodbye,
Don't worry, she doesn't.
Should you be concerned, she survives.
It's still trouble though, you know,
When your greatest weakness and strength coincide.
She is cruelest to the people she loves the most,
She calls it, self preservation.
What if, they were to find out she was capable of kindness?
Or worse still, love?
Or just how far she would go,
And how deep she would dive,
If you gave her so much as a little bit of hope.
She will not tell you her dreams,
She claims she's barely capable of any.
"What if, they don't come true?" she says.
I don't believe that though, I don't believe her.
I think she has dreams, and makes them all beautiful.
That they lie unadulterated, somewhere underneath the surface.
A secret mission to be accomplished,
No one needs to know of,
Sometimes, not even herself.
She's protected them well, even from herself.
Do me a favor will you?
Do not show her what she's capable of,
Or tell her things she doesn't know about herself,
Or give her a taste of what she's been looking for,
I know you for who you are...
A wretched thief,
You only have fun, when you break into security vaults.
The kindest thing you could do, is stay away from her.
Do not give her that smile.
Or promise her life,
If you intend to kill her.
She survives, you know.
She doesn't need to live.
But I want, so much to hear her glorious laughter.
Extract the last of her wishes, out of her.
Take her places she's never been,
Maybe, just maybe, show her love.
Guess I'll stay away from her.

Friday 14 March 2014

Ode To You

Days like these are momentous...
I don't know if that's the right word to use,
But this, this is how you shape me...
On days like these...
Dipped in languor,
And callous laughter under the sun. 
You could screen the whole world twice over,
And never have this, never find this.
I owe you more than you will ever know,
I do....
Just this, to know this,
That the fire that lights you, lights me,
You have to be one of the luckiest.
I would call this love,
Only love, was never this easy,
Love is a little unruly.
Days like these...make me happy,
Make me sad, and then,
Make me grateful.
For I probably have more than my share.
There's a song I could hum, only you'd understand,
You're the world, I do.
Of all the secrets I'll ever keep, you by far, are the holiest.

Wednesday 26 February 2014

Haunt Me

For a long time now, my mind has been vacant.
My thoughts, unoccupied.
My heart, free to play with fire and ice.
So haunt me please, if you will.
Haunt me, if you dare.

Friday 21 February 2014

Don't Just Be Kind

Don't just be kind. Be kind, randomly.
Be kind, unexpectedly.
Rekindle someone's faith in humans.
Maybe, if everyone learnt to hope again,
You wouldn't have to destroy me.
And I wouldn't want to hurt you...so, so bad.

Friday 14 February 2014

The Art Of Letting Go

Letting go,
Is about holding your palms outstretched,
And letting the sand slide off your hands,
So you wouldn't have to watch it slip through the fingers of your closed fist.
Letting go, is not easy.
I have tried to learn how, for a long time.
I have struggled with it, since I was a child.
The very first time, I had held on with all my strength.
Thrown my arms around wildly, just to hold on to the hem of my world.
Till I was thrashed from wall to wall.
Till my nails bled, and my knuckles, bruised.
With all of me, Till there was no sense of self.
Till my world slipped right out of my hands.
And it's shadow escaped me faster than I could chase after it.
I guess you must first learn to hold on before you can learn to let go.
The second time around, I knew not to hold on when I was to lose.
For nothing was worth such devastation.
So I let my lungs fill up with smoke from the remains of my heart.
And watched the world collapse quietly as I let go,
Till my throat was charred and I would cough up clouds of smoke,
And images in the fog. 
They would haunt me on the streets,
Lurk in coffee shops.
And, follow me home.
I guess you must first learn to appreciate what you let go, even if you must lose.
So the next time I let go,
I let them know, I'd bleed,
I went around with open wounds.
Left them to the sun and the wind to heal.
I was offered help, which I refused.
I could no longer afford any further damage.
But in the end, I guess, I succumbed.
And then, I healed.
I guess you must first learn to want to heal, to lose your fear of letting go.
I don't know if you could master the art of letting go.
Perhaps if you could, you would no longer need it.
But from then on, I knew....
I knew to let go with my palms outstretched.
With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face,
As my world fell apart.
And I, would pretend no less.
And I, knew that I would heal.
I knew what I would lose, and what I never, ever could.
That I was made whole, of all the things I ever let go.
That it was okay to have so many stories etched on your skin.
That I was only closer to what I had set out to be.
I guess the art of letting go is all about breathing.
Breathing, in and out. Exhaling the air your lungs can no longer use.
Holding out your palms, and letting the sand slide off.
Gracefully, gratefully and with hope that your world will find you.

Thursday 23 January 2014

Made Of Gasoline

Sometimes I wish you could break me.
That you could take me apart and smash me into pieces.
I long to be devastated, like I once was.
Sometimes I wish you could hurt me.
That you could make me bleed, like I once did,
But you can't. You're a sculptor.
You have not the skill, of a butcher.
Sometimes all I hope for, is a little bit of sorrow.
A little bit of pain, to get by the day.
And then I realize, a little bit is not enough.
Not nearly good enough.
No, you do not understand....
It is not that my breath is no longer heavy.
But that I can still live, and I no longer have to breathe.
I am not fond of sorrow. I do not crave it.
But I will take it over a vacant smile.
My trouble is, I have known happiness.
I have known living.
And now, nothing less will do.
And yet, this is not it.
Don't get me wrong. It is not your fault.
You are wonderful the way you are.
And I, am just not worth it.
It is nothing you did or could.
It is what you couldn't.
You see, I was never a girl who could make do with a spark or a fire.
I was made of gasoline.
And nothing but a conflagration would appease me.

Friday 17 January 2014

The Thing About Compassion

There are people in this world who will tell you everyday...
That your kindness is your greatest weakness,
Your faith in people...foolishness,
That the world is a wicked place and it doesn't help to give a damn.
And then, there are people, who will nearly prove them people, right.
They will cheat you, everyday, if you will let them,
They will chip away at your heart from every angle,
They will hurt you in ways you can barely conceive.
But, do not let them steal your light with their darkness.
Do not give in to the voice rooting for you to give up.
Know that,
Compassion, is a virtue of the survivor.

Thursday 2 January 2014

Happy New Year

Wish you love and luck, as always.
And this year, wish you the start of something new.